Being “bigger” than “normal” isn not a problem! vulvas come in a wide range of sizes and colors. Your negative experience with medical staff unfortunately a fairly common occurrence. Doctors learn in school that their are things, such as labia size, that have a “normal” range of variation. What they fail to understand is how the term abnormal affect people. To them its simply a matter of a person falling outside a range but it is hurtful to many people when they are told that they are not normal. As for advice, I would let the doctor know how what they said hurt you and to be more mindful of that in the future or if that doesn’t work, try getting a new doctor if thats possible for you. As for being self-conscious, only you can figure out how to change your mindset about your body. It might be hard and it will take time, they most important thing is to love your body and understand that you deserve to be loved because your body is amazing just the way it is!